Dementia and Racism
Our parents (and grandparents) say the darnedest things. If you care for someone with dementia, you already know that social filters have become a thing of the past. You have likely been on the receiving end of one of these comments or been responsible for smoothing over an awkward situation. Comments on size, color, dress, piercings, or hair color become political correctness time bombs that may detonate at the most inconvenient times.
What can we do when our loved one loses their sense of social awareness or lives more vividly in the past where the expectations of today’s political correctness do not exist?
When off-the-wall comments first begin, it takes us by surprise. They can even be a little bit humorous; until they get hurtful. I have had more than one caregiver deeply hurt due to a cruelly slung comment on weight, appearance, or presumed intellect. I have been a victim of this myself. "Stupid" often becomes a default descriptor of items and people. My mother "hates those stupid pants"; the very same pants she will not stop searching for to wear that day.
When a racial slur occurs, it is a bit more complicated and is no longer a laughing matter. Racism is a matter of grave concern in our country right now. What do you do? Laugh it off; redirect, sweep it under the rug?
Research tells us dementia damages the brain. Brain cells deteriorate and die, which results in the common symptoms of dementia, including changes to behavior, judgment, and personality. Actions occur which are out of character that we are not able to explain. Language may be affected. It is not unusual for the individual to struggle to find the specific words to express themselves or their needs and wants, yet easily blurt out words or phrases that are inappropriate or even horrifying.
What now? As the mantra goes, there is no reasoning with dementia. I have watched families cringe, not knowing what may come out of the mouth of the individual desperately needing care, praying that they do not offend or scare the caregiver away.
As always, not every answer works for everyone, and the same solution does not work every time. Be gentle with yourself and your loved one. The one you are caring for likely grew up in a much less diverse community. They may be afraid of this new reality. They know "something" is wrong with them and their situation and cannot control the changes. Dementia often makes the older adult more fearful, angry, or agitated when confronted by a person or a problem they are not comfortable with – so they lash out.
I have two words for you: acknowledge and redirect. If you know that this situation may occur, alert the caregiver. The professional caregiver has cared for dementia clients in their past and understands the effects and behaviors. Alert them to the individual’s forgetfulness, agitation, and loss of their social filter. This does not excuse the behavior, but it will give everyone an equal awareness regarding the mental status of the one being cared for. Apologize when the offense occurs. Redirect the behavior to something positive – such as how great it is to have this person to help or something positive about either of them. Communicate with both together. Be patient. Build trust and confidence with everyone involved. Your loved one will, likely, become more relaxed and content in the relationship as the two become more acquainted.
People want to help their loved ones who are struggling with cognitive issues, but often they don’t know how. The Right at Home Certified Cognitive Support Program can help. Call us at (304) 296-6600 to get more information.
