Improving Your Relationship with Your Aging Parent

Caregiving for a parent is an involved job that can take its toll on you. This is especially true if you don’t have a harmonious relationship with your parent to begin with. There could be factors which make interaction with your parent on a deeper level uncomfortable or even painful.

If you have a conflict with your parent, whether the reason is a difference in personality or the relationship is toxic, caregiving in this situation can be stressful. However, if you want to try to reestablish a connection with your parent in a way that is healthy, below are some suggestions.

• Be sure to focus on the issue, not the person. Pushing the blame onto one person isn’t going to solve anything, especially in a caregiving situation. By focusing on ways to communicate instead of placing blame is a right way to start.
• Let your parent know that you can see the issue from their point of view, focus on solving the problem and stay on the topic and avoid personal attacks.
• Take your time easing into the relationship again. You’re trying to mend the relationship, so it develops into a healthy one which will be more useful for both of you. The less pressure you force on it, the better it will be, taking small steps and establishing a pace that works for both of you is essential. Being a caregiver is stressful enough without having a toxic relationship to deal with as well.
• Accept that you’re part of the problem. These type of issues aren't one-sided, you need to look at yourself to see what part of the problem you are causing. Then figure out a way to fix it or find a solution to ease the situation.
• Make new boundaries. When you make a new relationship, you'll need to create new boundaries. With a healthy relationship, limits are set and respected, if your parent chooses not to accept those boundaries, that is their choice.
• Know your limits. When caregiving, know your limits, especially if you have a toxic relationship with your parent. Only agree to what you can handle and what you want to deal with on a personal level. If the relationship is toxic, make the boundaries restrictive and strict, so the communication is there but on your terms.
• Choose not to be involved in personal attacks. If your parent starts a personal attack, choose not to be involved. Instead, stay on point, be assertive on what your point of view is and what your needs are, plus, use statements which begin with “I” instead of “you.”
• Be realistic about your expectations. What you expect from your relationship with your parent may not be practical. Perhaps an illness has made them more dependent on you, and they're not happy about the role reversal. Treating your parent as an adult with choices for as long as possible is the best method to use.
• Don’t wait. Waiting until there is a better time to talk to them about your relationship with them won’t improve it. It’s better to confront the issue and try to get to a point where you both are comfortable with the changes.

Something else to keep in mind is that if the situation becomes overwhelming, there's nothing wrong with taking a break. Right at Home have caregivers who can come to your parent's or your home and take care of your parent. This is called Respite Care, and it will help to give you a better outlook on the situation after you've been away from it for a while. Whether it's to go to lunch with a friend or even just a walk in the park, Right at Home caregivers can give qualified care to your parent while you relax.

Improving your relationship with your parent is a better way to be able to give the most of what you can while caregiving.