Thanksgiving with Your Loved One with Dementia

When you celebrate the holidays with your loved ones it is the most satisfying part of the holidays. However, if your family member has dementia, it can be challenging at best. A person who has dementia can become even more confused and disoriented during holiday celebrations. But, if the situation is handled right, it can be a pleasurable experience for everyone.

Tips for the Thanksgiving holiday in your home

For a person with dementia, a predictable routine is what works best for them. A houseful of friends and relatives can be disruptive to this routine. Thinking simple is usually the best way to deal with a situation like this. Perhaps deciding whether one big Thanksgiving event would be less stressful than continuous visits from various relatives throughout the day is the better of choices.

Keep things simple by having other family members bring holiday dishes to keep cooking in your home to a minimum. This is another way to keep your loved one close on their schedule and not change their daily routine too much. Putting a turkey in the oven isn't too much of a hassle but trying to do all the trimmings and dessert could be overwhelming for you as well. Make your plans for the day and plan ahead but don't explain anything to your family member. If you try to explain to them why their daily routine is being interrupted, it can confuse and distress the person. If you have the celebration in your own home, have their room ready if they need a break or just some one on one time with family members.

Remind your relatives and friends that conversation should be at the level of your family member. Also, that’s it’s perfectly natural to answer questions which have been asked by your loved one already. They can repeat the same answer too as many times as the question is repeated. They should answer in a positive tone and understand not to challenge the family member to remember that they just asked that question. When someone challenges a person with dementia, it only increases their anxiety and could increase distressing behavior.

When family members are talking to your loved one, suggest they ask questions about happy things which happened in the past. People who have dementia tend to recall distant events and happenings then more recent ones. It might be easier for your loved one to remember Thanksgivings when they were growing up.

Tips for Thanksgiving somewhere else

If you are moving your loved one to another location, give lots of time to arrive and explain where you're going as you're driving or being driven. Keep the visit within a reasonable amount of time because for someone with dementia, trying to focus for an extended period can wear them out. Keeping your family member out for hours and on the go can be exhausting. You could consider showing up for the dessert part of the meal or decided to arrive just before the meal is served and then leaving shortly after the meal is finished.

If the group of people is large, try to prepare your family member for it ahead of time. Also, if you’re in someone else’s home, ask that there be a quiet place prepared that you can take your loved one if they become overwhelmed. Having a place to unwind for all the interaction will help to keep your family member calmer and more relaxed. Children may have trouble realizing why your family member is different now. It's important for children to understand that interactions can be brief if they are uncomfortable.

Thanksgiving with a family member with dementia can be a special day if some measures are taken with the family member in mind.