Draw Back Decisions
Retired at the age of 57, his company was sold and the new owners already had a team of CPAs to handle the new acquisition. Dad took a look, considered a couple, but ultimately decided he and Mom had saved enough to permit the Golden Years arrive earlier than normal for them.
The way my father perceived it, there was plenty of work to be done at home and on the properties of family and friends. Dad always fashioned himself as a Mr. Fix It, so it wasn’t unusual to see him climbing ladders, trimming trees, cleaning gutters, or painting houses. Heck, he was 69 when he painted my house back when we lived in the Pittsburgh area.
To him, no problem.
For as long as I could remember, Mom groomed dogs in every size, from oversized to tiny, in the basement of our home. She had the whole setup — a work table, deep sinks for shampooing, and an assortment of clippers and scissors to meet every pet’s needs. Over the years, Mom was also a savior to a plethora of animals, always mothering at least five cats and five dogs, all the while taking care of her husband and three children.
But the day came when my superhero parents had to hang up their capes and draw back a bit. My father started asking for help with homecare, which is one of many reasons my wife and I made the decision to leave our jobs in western Pennsylvania and return home to Wheeling. At that time in 2004, we had both sets of parents, but as time progressed we lost my in-laws. Presently, in 2018, my father is nearing his 88th birthday and my mother turned 86 in late July.
Recognizing their draw-backs and witnessing a change in my parents’ routine was the important factor that triggered us to step in and “assist”, unlike how my father phrased it — “getting in the way.” I try not to imagine what could have happened had we not moved back to help with a century old home, a yard towered in pine trees, a hail damaged garage in need of roof repair, and a herd of adopted strays.
Over the last 14 years we’ve watched the changes in Mom and Dad progress. Dad is still as mentally sharp as he’s always been, but he now regulates himself to being an instructor and no longer a Mr. Fix It. Mom has ceased from collecting homeless animals, in fact, these days she lives with none.
Through extensive research, I’ve learned that an active brain is healthier than an idle one. After experiencing my grandmother's life with Alzheimer's disease, I reacted to the loss of memory she experienced and now make sure to instigate conversation to engage Mom and Dad. With Mom, we discuss her recent interactions with my siblings, we talk about the Homily she heard at Mass, about cooking, and her meal plans for the week.
My father being a former accountant, obviously likes numbers, so I select topics he relates to like: the stock market, interest rates, retirement planning, and travel. An avid trip taker, Dad and I discuss possible destinations and practical experiences on a consistent basis.
To conclude my visits, I make it routine to pose a question in separate conversation with each of them, and ask they “think on it” in effort to continue their cognitive activity. This gives us a starting point for my following visit. I wonder at times if they catch on to what I’m up to, but if they have come to recognize my process, they sure don’t seem to mind.
