Shalom Plotkin Shares Tips on How to Start the Home Care Conversation

Starting the Home Care Conversation With Seniors

You’ve been avoiding having the talk with your aging loved ones about their care needs and future plans, BUT … they are showing signs of needing extra assistance. Mom keeps forgetting to take her meds. Dad balks at bathing and is unsteady on his feet. How do you and your siblings start a positive dialogue with your parents about home care?

“At Right at Home, we understand the challenge of talking through health, finances and other personal issues with aging loved ones”, said Shalom Plotkin, owner, Right at Home Cleveland. "RightConversations is a free guide you can download online or request from our office which helps families be proactive in what to discuss with seniors and how to phrase questions. It includes an easy-to-use planner to help with gathering documentation. RightConversations is a complimentary resource that reduces family caregiver stress and builds rapport between elders and their concerned family members.”

10 tips to improve inter-generational communication:

• Gather accurate, relevant information and make a list of tasks that your loved one is struggling to do safely.  Go with them to their doctor’s appointments to get a firsthand report. The RightConversations Journal helps organize medical, insurance and financial information in one place.
• Determine the level of concern. Are bills being paid? Is the car dented and the pots burnt? What about spoiled food in the fridge? 
• Review the facts and avoid personal biases so your loved one does not feel judged or pressured into what you want.
• Involve siblings early and compare notes. This may mean putting aside personal challenges to seek the interests of your parent.
• The RightConversations communication planner can help you think through realistic goals and how your family members will work as a team. Practicing key points and open-ended questions will help cultivate trust and productive conversation.
• Create a positive conversation by listening with intent to understand rather than to respond. The goal is not to give advice but to express love and concern. Sharing feelings with a friend, counselor or support group can help keep your emotions in check.
• The RightConversations guide includes a chart of seven personality characteristics and how to collaborate with people who communicate differently than you do.
• Keep in mind that seniors may have been taught to keep their fears to themselves. While you are focused on keeping them from hurting themselves your mother or father may be afraid of losing their driver’s license or being abandoned in a nursing home.
• Don’t ambush them with a “you” versus “us” approach. Acknowledge each other’s perspectives.

Be prepared for what to do if your loved one says “no” to suggestions for personal assistance and home care. If the conversation stalls, be prepared to take a step back and give your senior time to think through your words and concerns. Try positive language such as “by doing ____, we are able to keep you in your home longer” or “we can spend more time together by doing ___.” Or, it’ll give me some peace of mind if you’d consider ____.

While it can be disconcerting to see older loved ones show signs of needing more assistance with daily activities, many seniors are actually relieved their families notice and care. Exploring caregiving concerns and options together makes for shared decision making and meaningful relationships well beyond the initial conversation.

For more information about RightConversations and starting a conversation with your loved one, contact owners Elise or Shalom Plotkin at Right at Home at (216) 752-2222.