How To Understand and Support Seniors Who Grieve

Grief is a very personal journey that affects people differently. Understanding how to provide meaningful support can make a difference in someone’s healing process. Whether offering support to a family member or friend, knowing how to help while respecting their grief journey is important.

Understanding Different Types of Grief

According to the National Institute on Aging, grief is different for everyone, from the anticipation of a loss to sudden grief after an unexpected death. In the case of seniors, grief often intertwines with other life transitions, making the experience particularly complex. They may face multiple losses at once—family members and friends, their independence, and their familiar routines. Professional caregivers and health care workers can also go through grief when losing long-term clients—a unique form of loss that merits attention and care.

Supporting Someone in Grief

When supporting someone who has experienced loss, understanding how to provide meaningful comfort and avoid common missteps can make a significant difference in their grieving process. Here’s what to keep in mind:

• Be physically present – Being physically present and listening attentively is one of the most powerful ways to show support. It creates a safe space for the grieving person to express their emotions and share their experiences without judgment.
• Validate their relationship – Using the deceased person’s name and sharing memories of that person helps validate the relationship and keeps their memory alive, allowing the bereaved to feel more comfortable discussing their loved one openly and naturally.
• Offer assistance – Making concrete offers of assistance rather than vague promises is essential, whether committing to regular check-ins, helping with practical tasks like errands and paperwork, or taking care of pets. Since grieving individuals rarely seek help, consistently following through on these specific offers becomes crucial.
• Avoid comparisons – Avoiding comparisons and clichéd phrases like “they’re in a better place” or “at least they lived a long life” is important, as these statements can minimize the person’s unique grief experience and make them feel misunderstood or dismissed.
• Respect grief – Respect that grief has no timeline. Refrain from pressuring someone to “move on” or expecting them to feel better after a certain time, as everyone processes loss differently and needs to navigate their grief journey at their own pace.

Maintaining Health During Grief

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention emphasizes that maintaining physical and emotional well-being becomes especially crucial when older adults experience grief and loss, even though they may find it overwhelming or unimportant to care about during this difficult time. Here are essential ways you can help support their health during the grieving process:

• Establish regular nutrition support – Make a schedule to drop off prepared meals or groceries several times a week. Set regular lunch or dinner dates to share meals together, which provides both nutrition and companionship. Stock their freezer with easy-to-heat portions and check that they have simple, healthy snacks readily available. Being nearby allows you to monitor their appetite and eating habits during your visits.
• Create a consistent check-in routine – Schedule specific times to visit throughout the week, perhaps combining these with practical support like helping to organize medications or tidying up. Regular, predictable visits give them something to look forward to while allowing you to monitor their sleep patterns and overall well-being.
• Support active engagement – Offer to be their walking companion at a regular time each week, or accompany them to local senior center activities when they feel ready. Drive them to medical appointments and errands, turning these necessary tasks into opportunities for gentle movement and social connection.
• Maintain emotional connections – Drop by for short, relaxed visits when you can look through photo albums together or simply sit in comfortable companionship. Staying connected helps when they have tough days and need extra emotional support. Encourage visits with other friends and family members.

When To Seek Further Care

AARP’s grief and loss resources highlight several important signs that professional support may be needed, such as continued functional impairment, feelings of hopelessness, or major personality changes. Prolonged withdrawal from activities one used to enjoy, inability to find pleasure in anything, and even suicidal thoughts and feelings are some grave signs that indicate the need for professional intervention. Resources include grief counselors specializing in senior care, bereavement support groups, religious affiliations, and hospice services.

Special Considerations for Professional Caregivers

According to the National Alliance for Care at Home, professional caregivers grieving the loss of a client are encouraged to acknowledge their feelings and seek support from colleagues who understand. A caregiver’s grief is valid, so it’s important for their well-being to take time to process each loss. They could consider keeping a journal, participating in professional support groups, or developing personal rituals to honor the passing of those in their care.

Facing Special Days and Anniversaries

The first year brings many challenging milestones: birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries. Acknowledge these special days and ask your older loved one how they would like to spend them. Some older adults like maintaining traditions, while others prefer creating new ones. Be especially attentive during these times, and remember that grief can resurface strongly even years later.

Looking Ahead

The journey of grief is not to “get over” the loss but to learn to live with it in a manner that honors the person who has died and the life that continues. With patience, understanding, and support, it’s possible to find meaning and purpose while carrying the memory of those lost.

Here are some meaningful ways to honor and remember a loved one:

• Create a memory corner with their photos and meaningful objects to visit for daily reflection.
• Continue their passions by engaging in activities they loved, from gardening to volunteering.
• Share stories about them with family and friends to keep their legacy alive.
• Mark special dates by cooking their favorite meal or visiting places they loved.
• Honor them through lasting contributions like planting a tree or supporting their favorite causes.

Building Resilience Through Grief

While grief does change over time, building resilience helps create a foundation of healing. Help your senior loved one build resilience by:

• Encouraging participation in activities that bring them comfort, whether attending religious services, joining community groups, or engaging in hobbies.
• Maintaining social connections. This becomes especially important, as isolation can deepen the impact of grief. Consider helping them learn new technologies to stay in touch with family or find online support communities.

Building resilience as a professional caregiver requires intentional practices that balance emotional well-being with compassionate care. If you are a professional caregiver, here are key strategies to develop this resilience:

• Focus on establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries while continuing to provide compassionate care, creating a sustainable foundation for your practice and emotional well-being.
• Create personal rituals that serve as an important way to process and acknowledge losses in your caregiving journey. This could include meaningful actions like lighting a candle, planting a flower, or taking a dedicated moment of silence to honor these experiences.
• Connect with colleagues who understand the unique challenges of professional loss. This provides valuable support and validation. Building these connections and actively sharing experiences with peers who truly comprehend these circumstances can be deeply beneficial.

Conclusion

Remember that healing from grief is not something to be accomplished within a timeline. One of the most significant things you can do is to simply be present and willing to walk with someone as they navigate the path of grief. Through consistent support and understanding, you can help create a foundation for healing and growth, even amid loss.

How Right at Home Can Help

Right at Home can help promote healthy living and well-being through social interaction. Our screened and trained professional caregivers can provide services ranging from nutritious meal preparation and light housekeeping to help with hygiene and dressing. For additional information on strategies for dealing with grief, download our FREE Understanding Grief Guide. Or, use our office locator to find the nearest office for more information.

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