8 Things Not To Do When Initiating a Conversation About In-Home Care With Aging Parents

If it has become clear that your parents need assistance around the house, it’s time to bring up the topic of finding help for them so they can continue living as they do. Having “the conversation” about your parents getting help at home can be delicate, especially if they’re resistant to the idea. To make the discussion as successful and positive as possible, here are some important things not to do:

1. Don’t ambush them: Avoid bringing up the topic without warning. Instead, let your parents know you’d like to have an important discussion so they have time to mentally prepare. Chances are they have been thinking about this as well.
2. Don’t assume authority: Remember that your parents have the final decision about how they will live. Even if you’re worried, remember that they are adults with the right to make their own decisions. Approach the conversation with respect and avoid dictating what they must do.
3. Don’t ignore their feelings: It’s natural for your parents to feel defensive about needing help or to feel they may be losing their autonomy. Acknowledge their feelings and be empathetic.
4. Don’t rush the conversation: Give your parents time to absorb the information and express their thoughts and concerns. Be patient and avoid pushing for a decision in one sitting.
5. Don’t bring everyone in at once: While it might be tempting to involve all family members, too many opinions may overwhelm them. Family history and emotions may also hinder the conversation. Consider talking one-on-one or initially including only the most necessary family members.
6. Don’t use patronizing language: Be mindful of the language you use. Terms that might feel diminishing or infantilizing should be avoided. Speak plainly and respectfully.
7. Don’t forget to discuss options: Discuss types of help your parents might be more comfortable with, such as a neighbor checking in, an aide or caregiver coming on certain days, or using technology that makes your parents feel safer (lights or cameras) or that helps them stay in touch with friends and family (smart devices).
8. Don’t leave loose ends: End the conversation with a plan for follow-up discussions. This keeps the dialogue open and shows your commitment to supporting your parents in a way they find acceptable.

Approaching the conversation thoughtfully and considerately can increase the likelihood of a positive outcome, helping your parents feel supported rather than pressured.

Right at Home’s RightConversations® Guide Can Help Family Caregivers

Communication barriers are a challenge for family caregivers. Conflicts within the family and communication gaps with health care providers can lead to frustration and stress for caregivers. Right at Home’s FREE RightConversations Guide® provides a solid foundation for families. The suggestions in the guide will help an older loved one remain in their home safely for as long as possible while reducing the stress that accompanies family caregiving. Download a free copy today.

To learn more about Right at Home and our services, use our office locator to speak with the office nearest you and ask for a FREE in-home consultation.