When Truth Hurts:
How Therapeutic Fibbing Brings Comfort to Loved Ones with Dementia
Hi there,
Beth Sholom here from Right at Home Central New Jersey. Let’s have an honest conversation about something that might seem a bit counterintuitive: therapeutic fibbing. If you’ve ever cared for someone with dementia, you might have faced moments when telling the absolute truth felt more harmful than helpful. It’s a tough spot to be in, and I want you to know you’re not alone.
Dementia is a journey—not just for the person diagnosed but for their loved ones and caregivers. Every day can feel like a balancing act of supporting their reality while trying to maintain your own. That’s where therapeutic fibbing comes in, offering a kinder, more compassionate way to approach these delicate situations.
What is Therapeutic Fibbing?
Therapeutic fibbing is all about meeting your loved one where they are. Dementia can change how someone experiences the world—what feels true to them may not align with your reality. Instead of correcting or arguing, therapeutic fibbing allows you to gently support their feelings and perspective, even if it means bending the truth a little.
It’s not about deception; it’s about kindness. It’s about choosing peace over unnecessary distress.
A Familiar Situation
Let’s make this real for a moment. Imagine your mom, who has dementia, insists she has to go home to take care of her young children. But here’s the thing: those “children” are now grown adults with kids of their own. Correcting her might result in confusion, heartbreak, or even anger.
So, instead of saying, “Mom, your kids are grown,” you might try:
“Don’t worry, the kids are safe and being looked after. Why don’t we have some tea and talk about them?”
In this moment, you’re not dismissing her feelings or creating a power struggle. You’re validating her concern while gently redirecting her focus.
Why Experts Recommend This Approach
You might wonder, “Why not just tell the truth?” The reality is, for someone with dementia, the truth can feel foreign, even cruel. Therapeutic fibbing helps in several ways:
• Eases Anxiety: A small fib can prevent your loved one from spiraling into stress or panic.
• Preserves Dignity: It respects their current reality, rather than forcing them into a version of yours that may no longer make sense to them.
• Fosters Connection: By avoiding conflict, you create more moments of calm and connection—something every caregiver cherishes.
Tips for Therapeutic Fibbing
1. Pause and Assess
When your loved one says something that doesn’t align with reality, pause before responding. Ask yourself: will the truth help or hurt in this moment?
2. Keep It Simple
Your responses don’t need to be elaborate. A short, kind reply often works best.
3. Redirect and Reassure
After addressing their concern, gently steer the conversation toward something comforting, like a favorite memory or activity.
4. Trust Your Instincts
You know your loved one better than anyone else. Follow your gut on what will bring them the most peace in that moment.
A Personal Perspective
As someone who has worked closely with families navigating dementia, I’ve seen firsthand how therapeutic fibbing can transform the caregiving experience. I’ve watched the relief on a daughter’s face when she realized she didn’t have to “correct” her dad anymore. I’ve seen moments of laughter replace moments of tension when a caregiver chose kindness over conflict.
Caring for someone with dementia isn’t easy—it’s emotional, it’s draining, and it’s full of uncertainty. But small shifts, like embracing therapeutic fibbing, can make a world of difference for you and your loved one.
We’re Here to Help
At Right at Home Central New Jersey, we understand the complexities of dementia care. Our caregivers are trained in compassionate strategies to help create calm, joyful moments for your loved ones. And just as importantly, we’re here to support you, the caregiver, so you don’t have to carry the weight alone.
If you ever feel overwhelmed or need guidance, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Call us at (732) 967-0900 or visit www.rahcentral.com. Together, we can navigate this journey with compassion, understanding, and a whole lot of heart.
Warmly,
Beth Sholom
Owner, Right at Home Central New Jersey
